Choosing
by Polaris'05
Summary: Karai can hurt me, torment me, deceive me, kill me… but she cannot make me choose. It’s the typical enemy plot, to offer the chance to save one brother and only one. The choice is easy: there IS no choosing. No longer a oneshot.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: I wrote this quite some time ago and finally decided, what the heck, I'll fix it up and post. This is an experiment for me, in that this was the first time I tried first person or present tense. Also, this is a darker fic than I usually like to write. It can really go one of two ways. This can be read as a deathfic (gasp), or you may assume that they are rescued, as it never explicitly states that any of the turtles actually die. Personally, I don't care for deathfics, and choose to believe they are saved in the end, but it's deliberately open-ended so that you, dear readers, will just have to choose for yourselves. Cheers, my friends._

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**_Choosing_**

We've been sitting in this locked room with the gas coming in for almost an hour. It saps my strength, makes me dizzy and weak. I don't know what the gas is, but at the moment I don't really care. It doesn't matter. Knowing what it is won't get us out of here. There is no getting out of here, not this time. How many times have we fought the Foot ninja and survived? But that doesn't matter either. No matter how many battles we won, it only takes once for them to win the final hand.

I wonder how long it will take for us to die.

Being the oldest, and the leader, I have always felt a strong sense of duty to protect my brothers. I have always taken it personally every time they have gotten even the slightest injury, feeling as though I could maybe somehow have shielded them just a little bit better. I'm surprised to find that I don't feel that right now. We're all going to die, and I should feel incredible guilt, but I don't. I know in the heart of my soul that I did the right thing. Karai wanted me to choose, and might still be willing to save one if I do, but I won't. There is no choosing.

"Leo…" Raph's urgent voice catches my attention. I turn weakly to look at Raph. My brother is staring down at Mikey, who is groaning and trying to sit up.

"Mikey... you're awake," I say dully. He was knocked out before they dumped us in here, and I was thinking maybe he'd just stay asleep. It's almost a shame. Would've been just as easy, wouldn't it, for Mikey to just never wake up? Would've been easier, painless… merciful.

"Huh?" Mikey asks, dazed and disoriented. The gas slowly filtering in is probably doing nothing for his confused state. I know it's doing nothing for mine. "Leo? What… what's goin' on?"

I feel tears come to my eyes as I exchange a glance with Raph. Even the tough, hot-headed turtle looks like he is only barely keeping it together. Gathering what is left of my strength, I pull myself forward on my hands and knees towards my younger brothers. If I'm going to die, it'll be with them beside me. Reaching the far wall, I collapse; the last of my energy has been spent in that act.

"Mikey…" I whisper, wrapping an arm around the youngest. Raph, with nothing left to lose, lays a hand on both our shoulders affectionately. I like it when Raph is affectionate. I just hate that it takes our deaths for that side of him to emerge.

"Leo," he says, the usual gruffness in his voice too tired to come through. "It's been one shell of a ride. T'anks for everythin', Fearless."

I give him a small, sad smile. I never have told him that I actually like the nickname he stuck me with. Or how little I think I deserve it. "Likewise, bro."

"What's happenin'?" Mikey slurs. He's still not completely with it and it breaks my heart. How do you remind your brother that he's dying? "Leo? I…I feel funny. What's wrong? I don' feel so good." I pull him closer, clinging to him as tight as I can.

Mikey doesn't deserve this. Not Mikey… how could anyone want to extinguish that bright, shining light? He's been a beacon of hope and brightness for us in an otherwise darkened world… a world where people murder anything that is different. But why him? Why would anyone want to hurt Mikey?

"It's ok, Mike," I whisper soothingly, rocking him slightly. "You're going to be fine. We're… we're going to see Master Splinter soon. Just close your eyes, bro, and it'll be over soon… it's going to be ok. I'm going to stay here beside you. We'll all go see Splinter together, ok?"

"Splinter?"

"Yeah."

Mikey is quiet for a minute, resting his head on my plastron. I close my eyes, savoring the closeness to my brothers. At least, the ones still here. I wish they would hurry up and bring Donny in. What can be taking them so long? We had all taken our turns with the enemy, being knocked around a bit, and he was the last. I hate to think that the gentlest of my brothers is going through this torture alone somewhere, but I know I'll feel better when we're all together again.

"Leo?"

"Yeah, Mikey?"

There is a hesitant pause. When Mikey speaks again, his voice sounds a little stronger than it had before, but no less confused. They must have hit him pretty hard. "But, Splinter's dead."

The last wall of my defenses give way at the bewildered innocence in Mikey's voice. There is no stopping the tears that fall from my eyes any longer. Why him?

"Yes."

Another pause. And then, simple acceptance: "Oh."

And I know that he's remembered.

We sit in silence. We lost Master Splinter almost a year ago to the day. It was no glorious battle that he fell in; he was just… old. He just finally surrendered to the imminent pull of time. We'd known he was getting on in years, but it made his sudden passing no easier.

Raph had been the one who found him. In a way, a really sick way, I was secretly glad it was Raph. I don't think any of the rest of us could have handled it. I may be the slightly better fighter, but Raph's the tough one. My tough, undefeatable brother. Loyal and fierce and proud to the very end. He's staring at the door now, and I can tell he's just waiting for it to open so he can have one last shot at the people who brought us here.

One last shot. One last, hopeless shot that will never succeed, but one that he must take, because he is Raph. How much passion and strength will be taken from the world when he dies… and for what? Don't these people realize that they are killing a prince? Of course not. And what's worse, they don't care. The Foot care about nothing but their revenge.

The heavy metal door opens with a clang and two ninja appear, masks over their faces to protect them from the gas. They are dragging another body between them, which they fling uncaringly into the room before backing out and closing the door behind them. It happens so fast, Raph doesn't even get the chance to think about moving to attack. He'll never be able to now, because that door will never open again.

I would feel bad for him, that he never got to take that final shot, but at the moment all I can think about is the turtle they just brought in, the one they threw to the ground like a pile of useless rubbish. It occurs to me that Don could probably tell us exactly what kind of gas that they were using, and how exactly it would kill us… and maybe how much longer we have. I'm not sure I want to know. But I wonder if it really _is_ going to kill us, or if this is just one of Karai's tricks; I don't put it past her. Don would know, but I'm not planning to ask.

"Donny," Raph mutters weakly. Letting go of me and Mikey, he crawls painfully towards the limp form on the ground. "Don… bro…" It takes longer than it should have just to cross the room, and I realize that even if he'd had _time_ to attack the ninja who brought Donny in, Raph probably couldn't even stand long enough to throw a punch. When he reaches his brother, he rolls him over as best as he can and I see that Don's still alive. Again... it's kind of a shame. He would have been better off slipping away in his sleep.

Then again, that would have defeated the point of us sticking together, the choice that we all made.

Donatello whimpers at the contact and I can see that he's in pain. His eyes are clenched tightly closed and he is shaking slightly. When Raph takes his hand, the purple-banded turtle reflexively tightens the grip, holding on to him as though he will never let go. At this point, he probably _won't_ ever let go. I'm getting drowsy and I know we can't have much longer.

"Don, can ya hear me?" Raph asks hoarsely. Don's eyes open slowly, revealing those dark brown eyes that are now marred with fear and confusion. He doesn't understand why this is happening. None of us understand why this is happening, but somehow this is so much harder to watch in Donny.

Maybe it's because, he's… Donny. He's smarter than any of us could ever hope to be. I don't think there's much that our brother doesn't understand. What a waste, to be destroying such an incredible mind. Why would they hurt him? Why would they kill him? Do they not know that, given the chance, my brother Donatello could probably find a cure for cancer? A way to end world hunger? New technology that could save the earth someday? Even more important than his mind… do they know that they're destroying one of the kindest souls that ever came into being?

Of course not. Because as much as we don't understand them, they understand us even less. They've already proven that today. I think back on the events that led to the four of us sitting in a cold, metal room, waiting for the poisonous fumes to take our lives.

"_Choose."_

"_No." _

_And that was it. Simply, no. There was no choosing. It was ridiculous, how the mind of an enemy worked. Did they honestly believe that he would really choose which among his brothers should live? Did they really think he could make the decision to kill some and save the other? Did they truly expect him to play their sick little game? If not for the fact that they were about to die, Leo might have laughed at the preposterousness of the demand._

"_I am granting an impossible mercy, to allow one of you to leave. You have my word that this is no trick… I WILL release whoever you choose. He will be driven far away from here so that there will be no foolish rescue attempt, but he WILL be allowed to live."_

_As if THAT was the problem. Leo shook his head as Karai continued her monologue._

"_I will have my revenge for what you did to my father, but I am not without reason. I have offered for you to choose one of your brothers to walk away, but my patience is short. Choose, or you will ALL die."_

_Leo sighed. Karai had been longing for this day for a long time, he could tell. He knew that she was not bluffing, that she would kill all of them in a heartbeat and not lose a minute of sleep. If anything, she would probably sleep better for having killed them. Perhaps if she were offering to release two of them, he would consider the proposition. But to force one brother into lonely, bitter isolation for the rest of his life? There was no choosing._

_What she couldn't possibly begin to understand was that he knew very well they would all die together, and that in the end it was better that way. What she couldn't possibly comprehend was that it would not be a mercy, to be the only one left of the four; it would be worse torture than anything she could conjure up to kill them with. None of them would want to be chosen, but she didn't understand this, so Leo would go through the motions._

_Raph was to his immediate right, so it was to Raph that he turned first. The red-banded turtle's eyes widened and he shook his head vigorously, looking disgusted with the very idea of being released._

"_No. Forget it, Leo. You an' me both know I ain't even an option."_

_And he WASN'T. Even if he had planned on choosing, it would have been one of the younger turtles. Leo shrugged, and his gaze moved on to Donny. The genius scoffed and also shook his head bravely._

"_Not me. No way. I couldn't do the whole revenge thing, anyway. I'm sticking with you guys."_

_Fair enough. Leo was pretty sure that, if placed in that situation, Don would find that he was VERY capable of revenge. But that would have destroyed the brother that he knew, and Leo wouldn't do that to him. He looked then at Mikey, who was youngest and the best choice by that fact alone. Mikey, however, was already frowning._

"_Well I sure as shell don't want to be the only dude left! No. I couldn't live without you guys. I'd rather die. Just tell her no, Leo."_

_And that was that. He couldn't very well choose himself after all. Leo turned to face their enemy and shrugged again, unable to keep the pride out of his expression. _

"_You heard them," he said quietly. "That's our decision. We're not going to play your game. We're brothers and we stick together. We fight as one, and we'll die as one. Either we ALL live… or we all die."_

_Karai's face remained expressionless, but Leo could hear the annoyance in her voice. "Fine. Then die." _

I open my eyes as the flashback ends. After giving the order, she'd separated us and taken her time going to each one of us individually for our own little session of pain before tossing us in here, starting with me. It hadn't lasted long… I think she was in a hurry to be rid of us. I am sad for my brothers, of course, that we're going to die, but at least I don't have to worry about them. We'll be together to the end and I know we'll be reunited shortly afterwards too.

In a way, I'm grateful; Shredder would have killed us one by one, while the rest of us were forced to watch. Karai is, in her way, being merciful.

With us gone, Karai is finally going to be able to sleep tonight. I almost feel pity for her… she has no idea what she is doing. She can't begin to know the waste she is causing with their deaths. She doesn't realize what the world will lose tonight.

I glance at my brothers. They are all looking back at me, their eyes full of sorrow but not fear. Death would be scarier if we were alone, but we are not. A fire alights behind my eyes and I slide an arm across Mikey's carapace. He has no strength left to help me move him. Slowly, so slowly, I begin to drag his limp, defeated body towards the center of the room, where Raph and Donny are.

Karai was trying to torture me, when she asked me to choose. She knew what it would do to me, if I chose one to leave, but that was one hand I did not let her win. She can kill me… kill us all… but she cannot force me to choose.

Raph helps pull Mikey in with his waning strength as we reach them. I smile gratefully and collapse again, my body paying dearly for the movement. I won't move again. Donny absently reaches out and grabs Mikey's hand with his remaining free one. Mikey takes mine, and I join hands with Raph to complete the circle.

The circle will be dead soon. I wonder how much longer.

"No regrets," Donny whispers softly, closing his eyes again in exhaustion. Raph grins and shakes his head.

"Me either," he states with a firm determination, as if daring the world to suggest that he wish we had been anything other than what we were.

"I do." We all look at Mikey in surprise, who looks like he's torn between laughter and tears. I squeeze his hand gently in encouragement. "I wish," Mikey continues, in between weakening breaths, "that I had taught Leo… how to cook. It's embarrassing… to die knowing that… your own brother can't even manage to… make toast without almost… burning the Lair down."

It takes a full minute before we can muster the necessary energy to laugh, but laugh we finally do… so hard that tears come to our eyes and roll down. My side hurts from laughing and it's harder to breathe, but I don't care. This is why I couldn't have chosen even if my brothers had not unanimously agreed to stick together.

We've been sitting in this locked room for over an hour now and I feel my eyelids begin to droop. We're going to see Master Splinter soon. I wonder how much longer it will take for us to die. My mind is foggy and reality is slipping in and out.

I think I hear a door opening, but I don't know if it's in the cold room or somewhere… beyond. I think I hear a voice calling my name, but I don't know which side it's calling from. I take a deep breath and hold tight to my brothers' hands. I think I'm fading away. Away, into the darkness and then to the light where I know my father and brothers will be waiting for me… together, as we are meant to be.

Karai can hurt me, torment me, deceive me, kill me… but she cannot make me choose.

There is no choosing.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: This chapter is dedicated to all the people who asked for a happy ending. Ask… and ye shall receive. Thanks in particular to angelica186 who got to see the first draft of this chapter when I wrote it on the spot as a review reply, lol. Also thanks to Mikell who is always a most patient beta. _

_I know that adding to this may seem like a mistake to some people, that the story was more powerful the way it was. That may be. It may have been stronger, darker, better written as it was previously, I really don't know. If it was, cool. Being "better" is awesome, but not at the expense of being "me". _

_I hope you enjoy the newly written conclusion, and if you prefer that they died in the first part, you might as well not read this, because in Jackie's world there is always hope for those who seek it. =D_

_

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_

From behind her gas mask, April's face was split into equal expressions of relief and terror as she and Casey heaved open the heavy iron door with a scratchy clang. Relief, because they had FINALLY gotten through Karai's forces and found their Turtle friends... terror, because their friends were motionless on the ground, not even showing the first semblance of life.

"Leo!" she cried, sprinting in and dropping down by the eldest turtle's side. With shaky fingers, she checked for a pulse, nearly collapsing when the faint, irregular blip pulsated weakly against her fingertips.

"They're alive," she whispered tearfully to Casey, who was pulling out four identical masks for the turtles to protect them from further damage from the gas. "We have to hurry though... I don't know how long they've been inhaling this. From the way Karai was talking, I'm pretty sure it should have already killed them. We need to get them out of here _now!_"

"Four turtles ain't exactly easy to just haul outta here," Casey griped, fitting a mask over Raph's beak and moving on to Mikey. "We'll have to take 'em one at a time."

April nodded, gazing around at their four unconscious friends with a critical eye. From what Casey had managed to... "convince"... the Foot soldier they'd caught to tell them, Leo had been in there the longest, by quite a bit. Donny and Mikey looked worse off physically, though, with more bruises and blood covering their faces and chest. It broke April's heart… the turtles didn't deserve this, especially not just for ridding the world of a dangerous enemy who _happened_ to be Karai's surrogate father.

She didn't have time to pity them, though… or the fools who had done this, though pity they would need. Mercy, they would need, when Leo tracked them down for what they had done to his younger brothers.

"Let's get Mikey out first," she said aloud, knowing that Leo would have told her the same. "Gently..."

Draping the youngest terrapin's arms over each of their shoulders, April and Casey struggled to pull him upright and dragged him as gingerly as they could towards the exit. April tried not to notice the blood that was rubbing off of Mikey onto her shirt… She shuddered, knowing none of the others would have allowed such a thing to happen had they been able to prevent it. The Turtles had either been alone or incapacitated, and either option was horrifying to consider.

The building they were hurrying through was completely empty now; April had fed Karai a VERY convincing story about how she had rigged the place to explode in a matter of minutes. It had been a difficult sell at first, until April told her that Leo had left her very specific instructions. If anything happened to him and his brothers, she was to destroy everything, even if they were still in the building.

Karai was no fool. She knew as well as April that Leo would have said just such a thing, without hesitation. The Foot leader wasn't willing to take chances when she knew the turtles to be on the brink of death anyway. The odds that the red-head was lying was pretty high, but the odds of them finding the turtles already dead was incomparably higher. Besides… the insolent group that comprised her enemies _did_ have a remarkable penchant for making things explode.

Thusly, the remnants of the Foot army had prudently disappeared faster than even April had believed possible, leaving it wide open for them to locate their friends (with the help of a most reluctant Foot who had been too slow in escaping).

"Looks like he ain't gonna be up anytime soon," Casey grunted, referring to Mikey as they got him out to the van and laid him carefully down on one of the four stretchers they had set up. "Whaddya think, babe? They gonna make it?"

"I hope so," April sighed softly. "Leo was still hanging on, and he'd had more than any of them." She shook her head. Leo had been forced to sit in that room, gas flowing in, not knowing where the others were or what was happening to them. If April ever ran into Karai again, she really _would_ blow her up.

"I'm not gonna feel better until we get them home, though," she continued. "Let's go get the rest of them down here."

The pair worked in silence, hurrying back in to retrieve first Donny, and then Raph, hauling them down to the van. None of them had made so much as a twitch, and April still feared for them. They were so pale… the van was equipped with oxygen tanks, though, and the two humans moved quickly to replace the gas masks with oxygen masks, allowing pure, clean air to filter in to the turtles' lungs.

Now, there was only Leo left to retrieve, then they could get back to the Lair where April knew Donny had a full medical lab set up. Hurrying back in, they picked Leo up off the floor; as they did, the blue-banded turtle began to twitch, moaning slightly. April gestured frantically for Casey to set him back down, and she patted Leo's cheek gently.

"Leo?" she asked, barely breathing herself and afraid to hope. "Can you hear me?"

There was a moment of intense silence, as April and Casey waited. The still air was so quiet, the ticking of April's wristwatch filled the tiny space. As if April needed reminding that time was short for the turtles, whose lives were ticking farther away by the second. Then, finally...

"S-splinter..."

They could just barely make out the word from behind the protective gas mask. April felt tears come to her eyes as Leo moaned again, then continued talking to his sensei who had already passed.

"I…I didn't choose, M-master Splinter," Leo murmured softly. "I wouldn't choose. We'll be together now... it'll b-be ok, Mikey, we'll all go together…"

"Leo?" Casey prodded, looking spooked by the turtle's condition. There was no response to him, though Leo kept muttering.

"D-don… why won't they… bring Donny back? …Go to s-sleep, Mikey. Close… your eyes. We're going to… see… Splinter… Raph… you wouldn't have… chosen… either……would you? We… we have to… go together. No… no, Karai… no I will not choose. You… you have… failed. …Splinter… Master… we're here… I'm here… I see you…"

There was a long pause. Then, the turtle's breathing changed, becoming more erratic.

"They're not… the others… th-they're not here?" he whimpered in distress. "Where... where are they... Splinter, help me... I have to… no… we can't be… apart… I didn't choose… I didn't… choose…"

"Leo!" April called, unable to stand the sight of Leo's agony any longer. "Leo, your brothers are with us! Come back, Leo! I'll take you to your brothers, but you have to hold on! Just hold on, Leo!"

"Splinter..." Leo muttered. "I can't go back... I have to find them..." He broke off again and April motioned for Casey to pull him back up. The sooner they got him away from there, the better. As they carried him down the empty, echoing halls, even Casey was sniffling as Leo deliriously continued his conversation with the deceased Master Splinter.

They had just laid him down beside Raph and attached the oxygen mask when he cried out one last time.

"No, don't… don't send me back, Splinter… no… Wait!" He gasped and his dark brown eyes shot open, staring blearily up at April. He stared at her, uncomprehending, filled with fear and confusion that tore at the red-head's heart. She could see the life in him barely holding on, still unsure of which direction reality laid.

"April?" he finally whispered, reaching a trembling hand up weakly to the mask that covered his beak. April nodded and took Leo's hand, preventing him from moving.

"I'm here," she said soothingly. "You're safe, Leo. You're going to be ok. So are the others, they're right here."

He stared at her, still too out of it to really be aware of what was happening.

"She… couldn't make me choose," he told her softly, his voice urgent. April only had a vague idea of what had happened, but she was quick enough to realize that this was a matter of utmost importance to Leo. "I didn't choose. I didn't… she couldn't make me."

"No," April smiled. She rested a hand gently on Leo's forehead maternally. "No, Leo, she couldn't. You were stronger than her… Karai never defeated you. You made the right decision... and Splinter... Splinter would be proud."

Leo blinked, his eyes clearing momentarily, leaving him looking peaceful and unafraid at last. His breathing slowed down to a steady pace as his heavy eyelids dropped again, and the turtle sank back into unconsciousness. Removing her own mask and wiping her tear-filled eyes, April nodded at Casey for him to drive on. As the van lurched forward, April spread her arms protectively towards her four friends, knowing they would be alright.

Their lungs would clear; their wounds would heal. The emotional trauma might take more time to be fully resolved, but they would have each other to fall back on, as they always did.

No one had to find their way alone.

No one had to face the dark world by themselves.

The four brothers would stand as strongly and resolutely as they had before, together, because all of them knew there was no way Leo could have made a different choice. There was no way Karai could win her game, because they knew something that she did not, that she never would.

Sometimes, there _was_ a choice… and the choice was not to choose.

The End


End file.
